A Gift of the White Elephant Kind

One of my far favorite posts done by a blogger know as Cloud Watcher (Allie Tuttle) has to be her Missing Person post

It reads (sorry for just using your work Allie but I'm going to steal it okay? Okay):   " I'm sorry I abandoned you and grew up. Where did you go? "

This line struck me like a sore thumb. And knowing what I've done in the past. I'm going to write a response to her post hopefully she won't get offended at what I have written.

"I'm right here right beside you,
playing hide and seek right behind you.
You never lost track of me you just don't have enough time to play. I understand.
We all can't be playing all the time.

But you still make room for me. We're still the kid that we once were.

We'll forever be fighting alongside dragons and be casting magic spells on foolish beings that come in our path.

But there are times when I do hide. And you can barely find me. But I still give hints as to where I am

During class I'm always laughing and I'm always sketching and doodling.

And yet you say that you still can't find me. That's because you're using your mind to search outwardly. You're not using your heart to search inwardly. I'll always be there with you just holding onto your hand."

Allie you're a child at heart, and you never abandoned your self, you're just playing hide and seek.

But you're getting closer. Stay on this trail and you'll find that silly child again.

Thank you for all the laughs and thank you for being you

Black Out

Popeye's Message

As a famous cartoon character once said "I am what I am and that's all that I am"

So this is what I am, 

I am friend,

I am a man,

I'm a Netflix binge watcher,

And I'm a sucker for sweets,

I am a music-holic, (can't get enough of it)

I am a blade collector,

I'm a The Office fanatic

And I'm a gentleman at heart,

I was in dire need of glasses since 2011,

I was a theater kid,

I was optimistic about my future, but now I can usually see the negative outcome to everything, but that doesn't stop me from smiling,

I love using different names,

I changed my hair color, just because I was bored.

I call my girlfriend Vwin from time to time.

I can tell when someone is having a rough day, 

And I try to be the reason to make it better.

This part might ruin the feel of this post, but I feel like it'll add more to it.

I told my sister that reincarnation is real, but it happens everyday, everyday we die, and every morning we are born anew. We never are the same as the day before, and we'll never be the same again either.

I also told her that I didn't have a voice in the family. That everyone would shush me, even myself. That I'd been a walking shell of a being. But here I have my own voice, I can say things that I want to say.

And now this persona that I have used has filled that shell.

I am the guy with purple knuckles, (long story short I wash my hands too much and people as me why my knuckles are purple)

I am the guy with glasses,

And I am the guy with platinum hair

Slender Auditore is the voice that I needed, to fill up this shell.

I am Slender Auditore.

And I am Gil Lamoureux.

And I'm pleased to make your acquaintance.

Lyrics of my Life

So scream if you wanna, shout if you need. Just let it go
Fight if you need to, smash if it helps you
Get control. - Thousand Foot Krutch

Don't look in her eyes
You might fall and find the love of your life, - Volbeat

Call it in the air,
Heads or tails,
Heads we go to London
And try to save the Queen
Tails we go to Paris,
And try our hand at romance, - Hotspur

I said I'm OK but I know how to lie,
You were all that I had,
You were delicate and hard to find,
I got lost in the back of my mind,
And I can never get back, no I never got back - Yellowcard

Though the marks on your dress
Had been neatly repressed
I knew that something was wrong
And I should have spoke out
And I’m so sorry now
I didn’t know
'Cause we were so young
Oh, clouds of time
Seem to rain on
Innocence left behind
And it never goes away - The Offspring

'Round and around I'd go, addicted to the numb
Living in the cold
The higher, the lower the down, down, down
Sick of being tired and sick of waiting
For another kind of fix
The damage is damning me down, down, down - Adam Lambert

First we run
And then we laugh 'til we cry
But when the night is falling
You cannot find the light, light
You feel your dreams are dying
Hold tight
You've got the music in you
Don't let go - New Radicals

Born Free, It's America!
Best Stuff, It's America!
High Five, It's America!
Watch Out, It's America! - Con Bro Chill

2 Comments

"Hey look I have an email."

This one goes out to the Bloggers that only got only 2 comments. Here's to the ones that Blogs don't get all the view that it wants.

"Hey look I have a new comment."

This one goes out to the ones that don't have the courage to post a comment about the ones that they truly want to.

"Let's see what is say."

Here's to the ones that want comments. No matter how many you got. Then that's how many you got. Get over it.

"And it says... "Good post""

Heart and soul

Can you hear that? That's called a heart beat, It's what helps that wonderful idiot work.

You're standing there in the aisles between the food and the clothes. There it is, that one toy that you want. You're heart goes faster that belief
"Mom!!! Mom!!! Can I get it!!??"
"We'll see okay son?"

You never got the toy, you forgot about it once you see the cereal

You're standing there, eyes meet from across the play ground. There he is you're best friend. You run across to get the best of high fives that'll rule all high fives.

Well that hurt.

You see him talking to her. You start to wonder why you're in the room with them.
You question if all of this is your fault.
He leaves, you comfort her.
"It's okay mom. It'll be fine. He just needs to cool down for a bit."

You see her standing there. With some other guy, wondering if she noticed you yet. Here she comes act natural.
Crap you're stuttering while talking to her. This is not natural you idiot!!!

You're on the phone, telling her it's over.
Once you hang up, you go to her. You get held by her,
"Cry your eyes out, it'll be alright."
"Why does it hurt then mom?"

You see her. With someone else.

There's your friend from fifth grade. He used to be you're best friend. But time have changed you both.

You have a new best friend. She is nice, pretty, and beautiful.

crap...

You're with your best friend, watching a movie. An 80's movie. You put you're arm around her. She leans in... NAILED IT!!!

Excitement, joy, pain, infatuation, hurt, mending, love.

All of these are made possible by that wonderful idiot known as our hearts.

Hear me

Hear me. Hear me please, you've never heard my side. I want to be heard this time. All that I have done was listen to you and your problems, I've always listened to you, I never had the opportunity to tell anyone how I truly feel. So please just hear me out. I've been bottling it up all my life. And now I feel like it's the perfect time to tell you what's been happening in my life. But I need you to listen not just hear me but listen to me. I want to be able to know that you care about me. Please listen to what I have to say.

Short story of sounds

I sent Vwin a picture saying something like sounds that every one enjoys. Here's the pic:
Any way she came up with this shirt story;

You move quietly through the trees, like a hunter stalking it's prey. The red and yellow leaves are still. The only sound is the occasional crunching of leaves on the forest floor, from a deer or a squirrel. You get to the gravel road you've been looking for. For a few minutes you wait at the treeline. Finally, the person you're tracking comes walking by. You watch through slitted eyes as he passes. He walks carelessly down the gravel road, his feet making a satisfying crunching sound. You follow silently through the trees nearby. Eventually, he gets to his destination- a crackling fire, tended to by few other people. They laugh and talk, and you wait patiently, not revealing yourself. At long last, they all sleep. This is your moment. You creep forward on silent feet to the tent of the man you've been following. Entering is easy and painless. He looks so peaceful, sleeping there, not a care in the world. The moonlight barely illuminates his sturdy features. Suddenly you swoop down. You clamp your hand over his mouth, and a split second later you twist his head sharply. The snap of his neck is deeply satisfying. That will teach him to mess with the likes of you. Just as quickly as you came, you leave the tent and disappear into the forest without a sound. Before you know it you're back at home, snuggling on the couch with your cat. She begins to purr contentedly. You feel the exact same way.

How to Go Trick or Treating as a Teen

Step 1: Make sure that it's Halloween.

Other wise, it will be really awkward.

Step 2: Get a friend who is willing to go trick or treating with you.

A friend who is not going to trick or treat is a friend who has already lost their childhood. Make sure that you have a friend who is willing to be a child once more.

Step 3: Have costumes at the ready

One of you will have to be a ghost figure out between which one of you will be the responsible one and which one would be the cute factor.

Step 4: The Ghost

The ghost in this operation will pretend to be a little kid in a bed sheet ghost. Grab some bed sheets that neither of you care about and then cut some holes in them. These holes will serve as your eyes.

Step 5: The "Responsible" One

As the "responsible" one, you have to present the ghost of your little brother / sister or your little niece / nephew. Make sure that they are able to also get some candy because double the candy I mean am I right?

Step 6: Presentation

The presentation of this trick is to make sure that you and your friend get Halloween candy without going to look frowned upon as you are both teenagers. Present the one who is the "responsible" one as the uncle / aunt / older brother / older sister. The one playing the ghost will make sure that they act as cute as possible and as childy / toddlery as possible. They must be crouching down so that they seem tiny once given the candy then they'll stand up and both the shall either run away or have a good laugh with the person who gave out the candy.

Step 7: GET THE CANDY!!!!

Go trick or treating and have a happy Halloween.

I'm afraid.

I've always been afraid. As long as I could remember. I've always needed something or someone to hold onto.

Heck, just looking at the box art for a horror film left me sleeping with a nightlight for 2 months. I also have a fear of germs and of doorknobs. I'm scared that I'm going to wake up with a gun at my head. I'm scared of losing everything. I'm terrified that after awhile sadly I'll finally see the blood covered bones of my hands.

But when I'm with her, I have nothing to fear. Everything goes away. I forget about myself, and I think of how I can make her feel safe, sound, and not afraid of what's happening.

And I hope she doesn't fear me. I wish that no one does.

What does it mean...

What does it mean to be alive?

Some people say that to be alive means that all you need is a pulse and breath in your lungs.

If that what's makes alive then what does it mean to be dead?

To some it means not moving, not having a heartbeat. Not breathing.

I say different to both. To be alive means to be active, to speak, to be able to talk

To be dead... means to be shut off from the world to have destroyed the link of friends and replace it with darkness.

There is something behind these homicides. It's not a huge thing. Something small that we all carry with us.

Sure it can help us with our day to day lives, but it kills us within everyone's eyes.

It might seem like we're living, but we're really just lifeless corpses walking around looking down at this serial killer saying it will be alright.

They says it'll be alright, but I've lost contact with friends, the only true time I see them is when I walk down the halls. I keep the killer hidden and talk to them make plans with them.

And sometimes get killed on the days of the plans saying that I'm busy last minute, and them I'm doing nothing but looking at that bright face grievously smiling at me knowing that they had killed me just a little bit me.

But then we have our rescuers, the ones that actually come to our aid, bringing us back alive. Taking us out into parks and to grab a late night hamburgers, to make sure that we aren't lost to this killer with it's call so sweet.

Please be a Rescuer, don't let anyone truly die to this immortal killer.

I want to be see the world alive again, not just people, they don't just kill us, they destroy the laughter of the earth, replacing it with LMAO and LOLS.

Rescue the people, thus rescuing the Earth.

House of Bricks

Let's start with one brick.
This is where you start out.
As you keep going you discover someone to help you finish your project.
Now you have a couple of walls done.
But you and that person have a fight.
You stop...
You give up on your project for now.
You leave two wall left there standing in the background.

Let's start with a brick.
You get back to your project.
Alone.
You make another friend, they start top wonder why you're doing this by yourself.
You tell them why.
Then they get down on their knees and grab a brick and start to help you.
You question why the are helping you.
They reply
And you grab a brick too.
You start working on the 3rd wall together.
Done

Now let's start on the last wall.
You both enjoy working on this project.

But the next day they're gone.
You start to worry.
You get a phone call...They won't be coming back.

You swear to yourself no more partners.
One more wall. You finish it by yourself.

Now just the roof is left.

One last person comes by, and asks you what you're doing. You tell them your story. They ask if they can help. You don't answer.

The next couple of weeks they keep coming.
You then ask them to pass you some roof tiles. They do so. The roof is finished. And so is your home. And you've finally found someone to share it with.

Let's hope they stay.

What would you do?

What would you do if I didn't answer my phone for a week?

What would you do if I didn't talk to you?

What would you do if I showed up to your doorstep, with a suitcase in one hand, and tears streaming down my face?

What would you do if I disappeared, from the face of the earth?

What would you do if I was no longer here?

What would you do if the world forgot about me?

Would you care for me?

Would you remember me?

Would you cry for me?

What would you do?

Mixtape

Let me make you a mixtape.

I would put songs on it that remind me of you.

Some would be silly to remind you of our inside jokes.

Some would just be filler, for when I'm with you my mind goes blank.

Some would be serious to show you I'm not all fun and games.

One would tell you that I love you.

And I do. I love you so much that's why I want you to have this mixtape. And if it every gets ruined, then I'll make you a new one.

And if you ever leave. I want you to keep them for the memories.

Prove Your love

This is in response to AliceLiddell Post: "Roxberry fixes everything.. Right?.." Please Note I don't have Turmoil, Hate, or anger towards this Blogger. I just read the last line of the post and I took it as a personal challenge to prove that I do love. To read the post here's the link: http://aliceliddell123.blogspot.com/2015/09/roxberry-fixes-everything-right.html

You told me to prove that I love you? Then I'll do just that. I will prove to you that I did love you. 

I held you

I found you when you wanted to be alone

I chased after you

I let you have your fun

I told you a new story every night when you went to bed

I let you keep my jacket

I made sure that you were happy

I never yelled when you did

I took care of your tears when I could

I tried to make everything a surprise for you

When you had a nightmare, I was there to listen to you, to calm you down

I gave you what was precious and part of me, Something that gave me protection and comfort, when you asked for it, and I NEVER do that for anyone.

But you got mad at me when I didn't take care of all the little things that you did to see if I did love you

How can you ever say that I never loved you. I cried when I cut the string that we had. When you tried to reattach it. I said no, I was tired of the fighting. So I proved my self one one last time. When I let you go, I wished that you would find someone better than me.

But now I can see when you ask me to prove it now. To answer you I can't prove that I love you now, I've proved that I loved you, But I can't prove that I love you now. I found someone dear to me. Someone who, I know, won't question my love at every mistake that I do. Thank you Vwin for not Questioning My love.

Strings

THAT'S IT!!! I'm sick of having these strings of life controlling my every move like a puppet.

I'm going to be the one in charge of this show. No longer will I be moved into place of what I will do. Either I'm going to be the puppeteer or I'm cutting off the strings that hold me up. And I know my current master will not let me take control of my Cross that easily.

So I'm cutting these stupid tangled up strings. If I fall than I fall freely.

Finally free from these Parasite Strings.

Finally free from this Birdcage of a Stage.

Error: File Corruption: Please Prove that You are a Human

How? My Heart is as cold as ice. I go through the daily routines like a checklist. How can I prove that I'm not a robot, when all of the signs are pointing that I am. I turn on at the same time, the same happens when I power down. How can anyone prove that they are not a robot when we are all programmed for one purpose: to live.

But there is something that proves me real. It's that I have something to CARE ABOUT! When I see a tear, I treat that sad stare into a happy smile. That I laugh when others laugh. To care what others care about. To be able to share about how I feel about her. To be able to love somebody. I believe that I have a heart, but all I hear is something ticking. But that ticking is something that I love. But there is nothing I love more than someone smiling.

But hey, I could be just Programmed that way.

Contacts

As I looked in my phone all I see are names of people. Just people. And some times I've asked myself, "How many will come to me in my time of need? How many are there just because they're there? How many of these "friends" get annoyed at me because I want to see them again?" So far it's just come down to 2 to 3 friends and my family members, but even family members get busy. So I thank those who actually come to me when they know that I'm not alright. Thank you Vwin, thank you Elder R, thank you Victoria Winters. You guys mean so much too me.

Sometimes You Just Need to Cry

Let the tears flow, I won't judge, sometimes you just need to cry.

All of the time we say we're fine when in reality we aren't. We don't want to burden those with our own troubles.

Well what if I want to cry. What if I want to shout out these feeling of neglect and of sorrow.

I JUST WANT TO CRY!!!

There are times when saying you're alright isn't alright. Saying those words by who lie about their feelings makes me beg the question even more. A question I don't know how to answer. Because I want to tell you what I'm feeling.

But I'm not the patient, I'm the therapist.

Having to hold all of this in. Wanting to scream out my heart and wanting to just leave it all behind. Trying to escape when all I'm trying to look for is something that will making me happy. Not knowing where to turn to. Hoping that someone will reach out a hand and know when I'm lying about my feelings.

Hoping for these damn tears to leave my eyes. To leave my life.

But the never will.

But hey sometimes it's good to cry.

Handlebars.

These are the lyrics of the Song "Handlebars" By Flobots. In the comments tell me what you can do. I can break a person with no caliber

I can ride my bike with no handlebars

No handlebars

No handlebars

I can ride my bike with no handlebars

No handlebars

No handlebars

Look at me, look at me

Hands in the air like it's good to be

Alive and I'm a famous rapper

Even when the paths are all crookedy

I can show you how to do see do

I can show you how to scratch a record

I can take apart the remote control

And I can almost put it back together

I can tie a knot in a cherry stem

I can tell you about Leif Erikson

I know all the words to "De Colores"

And "I'm proud to be an American"

Me and my friend saw a platypus

Me and my friend made a comic book

And guess how long it took

I can do anything that I want 'cause look

I can keep rhythm with no metronome

No metronome

No metronome

And I can see your face on the telephone

On the telephone

On the telephone

Look at me, look at me

Just called to say that it's good to be

Alive in such a small world

I'm all curled up with a book to read

I can make money open up a thrift store

I can make a living off a magazine

I can design an engine

sixty four miles to a gallon of gasoline

I can make new antibiotics

I can make computers survive aquatic conditions

I know how to run a business

And I can make you wanna buy a product

Movers shakers and producers

Me and my friends understand the future

I see the strings that control the system

I can do anything with no assistance 'cause

I can lead a nation with a microphone

With a microphone

With a microphone

And I can split the atom of a molecule

Of a molecule

Of a molecule

Look at me, look at me

Driving and I won't stop

And it feels so good to be alive and on top

My reach is global

My tower secure

My cause is noble

My power is pure

I can handout a million vaccinations

Or let 'em all die in exasperation

Have 'em all healed from their lacerations

Or have 'em all killed by assassination

I can make anybody go to prison

Just because I don't like them

And I can do anything with no permission

I have it all under my command because

I can guide a missile by satellite

By satellite

By satellite

And I can hit a target through a telescope

Through a telescope

Through a telescope

And I can end the planet in a holocaust

In a holocaust

In a holocaust

In a holocaust

In a holocaust

In a holocaust

I can ride my bike with no handlebars

No handlebars

No handlebars

I can ride my bike with no handlebars

No handlebars

No handlebars

Being different

Think differently with your life.

Whether that be the simple things or the hard things that you have to do.

Just small changes can let in so much opportunities in you're life

Most changes are good some are bad. But do something different.

Try that new food that you're mom put out in front of you.

Try the sport that your father has always talked about.

Listen to different music than you normally do.

Listen to your friends advice when they say that you can do it.

Find the lyrics to old songs that make you cry and cry even harder.

Find the old box of crayons and pull them out just to light them on fire.

You're no longer a kid.

You're something different than being a kid.

So do something different that makes you stand out from every one else

So be different.

Give Back The Crayons

Let us live in a world of wonder,
Instead of a world of stress,
Let us go back to having recess after lunch,
Instead of having to get back on the phone to complete the sale,

Life was much better,
With our eyes filled with dreams,
Life was filled with adventure,
With our rocket ships in the sky,

Life is now boring,
Having to clock in from 9 till 5,
Life is now just bland,
Having to do paper work instead of color pages,

But,

If you get to see the hope in a child's eye's,
Don't just trample on their hopes and say, "It's not possible",
If you get to look at their faces filled with dreams,
Don't just look at them realizing that it will all be for not,

Join Them,

Pick up your Crayons and start to draw knight battling a fierce monster,
Go back and watch the shows that you used to watch
Pick up your Snacks and eat them as a child would,
Go back to imaginary best friend and go on a crazy adventure,

Give Back The Crayons!
And if No one gives them back take them back,
Give Back The Dream Filled Eyes of Adventure!
And if You can't see it through your eyes see it through a child's

If you think all is lost with your childhood,
Then think again,
If you think you can't go and have fun,
Then think harder,

But sometimes you're right,
You might not want your crayons anymore,
But sometimes you realize
You might have a child of your own,

So give them more crayons then they know what to do with,
Help them come up with a story for each toy,
So give them a parent who isn't afraid to have fun,
Help them enjoy life and how to have fun,

So share your crayons,
Not on a iPad or an Android,
But on a piece of paper,
For that's the best way to have fun.

The Day You Read This

This is part of a book called "I wrote this for You" that someone had lent me. This part of the book has really stood out to me and I feel like I needed to share this with everyone. I really appreciate that they had lent it to me...Again thank you.


"On this day, you read something that moved you and made you realize there were no more fears to fear. No more tears to cry. No head to hang in shame. That every time that you thought you'd offended someone, it was all just in your head and really, they love you with all their heart and nothing will ever change that. That everyone and everything lives on inside you. That that doesn't make any of it any less real.

That soft touches will change you and stay with you longer than hard ones.

That being alone means you're free. That old lovers miss you and new lovers want you and the one you're with is the one you're meant to be with. That the tingles running down your arms are angel feathers and they whisper in you ear, constantly, if you choose to hear them. That everything you want to happen, will happen, if you decide you want it enough. That every time you think a sad thought, you can think a happy one instead.

That you control that completely.

That the people who make you laugh are more beautiful than beautiful people. That you laugh more than you cry. That crying is good for you. That the people you hate wish you would stop and you so too.

That your friends are reflections of the best part of you. That you are more than the sum total of things you know and how you react to them. That dancing is sometimes more important than listening to the music.

That the most embarrassing, awkward moments of your life are only remembered by you and no one else. That no one judges you when you walk into a room and all they really want to know, is if you're judging them. That what you make and what you do with your time is more important than you'll ever fathom and should be treated as such. That the difference between a job and art is passion. That neither defines who you are. That talking to strangers is how you make friends.

That bad days end but a smile can go around the world. That life contradicts itself, constantly. That that's why it's worth living.

That the difference between pain and love is time. that love is only real as you want it to be, That if you feel good, you look good but it doesn't always work the other way around.

That the sun will rise each day and it's up to you each day if you match it. That nothing matters up until this point. That what you decide now, in this moment, will change the future. Forever. That rain is beautiful

And so are you."

Hats and Masks

There are many hats in this world.
Whether, they be big hats or little hats.
We all are wearing one right now as you're reading this.
Even if you think that I'm crazy and you're saying in your heads, "This Blogger is a joke I'm not wearing a Hat at all!"
Well you just put on a different hat.
A Prideful hat.
We all have hats that we pt on in order to feel accepted. To feel wanted
There are the hats that we put on our selves and Masks that we put on each other.
Masks are different from hats.
Mask we put on others that we don't understand.
The Mask of, "That guy is a jerk", when he was only stepping up for his sister.
The Mask of, "She's so Popular", when she's insecure about if she has any friends in the world.
Hats and Masks are hard to get rid of, they stay whether you want them to or not.
But if we could just remove the masks. then wearing the hats will be easier on all of us.

Things to Look For in The Night

As I look up above and see the celestial heavens, all I can see is Pale Maiden and she is my light. A Pale blue light radiates from her and takes hold of the land. The next thing I see is a dark figure on the ground next to me. He's more clear to see in this light of night than he is in the light of day. Ominous clouds roll in thus blocking my view of the Pale Beauty that is looking down at me. As the Night progressed I had hoped to see the Red Dawn take arms against the Pale Mistress, so that I might get a glimpse of the Red Warrior. But alas the curtain has closed on my wishful heart. To be able to see, that sight which I desperately waited upon. I was not able to see the battle of color and of the night sky. The victor had won before the war had begun. My Pale Mistress had won, as she had so many eons ago.

This is a Website

Hello,

That you have gotten on to. Welcome to my blog.
This blog is going to be an interesting one. During the course of this blog I will be posting a whole lot of different things from music to quotes to stories. Hopefully with this blog I'll be able to have a good experience and be able to make you readers laugh and cry, but not at the same time because I believe that would not be fun for everyone.
Anyways, Welcome to my Blog
Later